WHAT BDSM TAUGHT ME ABOUT BUSINESS

Take a moment to picture

a kink sex scene in your head…

Whips, chains, and leather, right? 

All the “Thank you sir, may I have another!” nonsense. 

Maybe the odd cat-suit or ball gag, or, god forbid, the 50 Shades of Grey stuff.

(I know, painful – Netflix has lied to you.)

Some of those things may be used in BDSM some of the time … but among people in the real kink world, you’re just as likely to find someone using a phone charger cord or a pair of salad tongs as part of their domination.

Because the truth is, the toys, titles, and titillation are not what kink is really about.

Everyone thinks it’s about one thing … but it’s really about something else entirely.

And the exact same dynamic applies to business strategy coaching.

And over the years, I’ve noticed some striking (ahem) similarities.

As I spent my days as a business strategist untangling business owners from the strategic mistakes that kept them small and spinning their wheels, I started noticing they were making the same psychological mis-steps that people who are new to the kink world do.

And as I talked with vanillas –– those people who aren’t involved in the BDSM world –– and people new to the world of kink, I found their misunderstandings of the BDSM world were eerily similar to the mistakes I see business owners make when they’re trying to grow into a new phase of business.

In both cases, the same thing happens: people who don’t know what they’re doing walk into a situation and make mistakes that would never have happened if they had a fundamental understanding of the world in which they are trying to function, be it business or BDSM.

But get some guidance and help to peek behind the curtain –– and your whole world changes. 

Once you actually understand what’s going on, and see this world for what it is, you won’t be able to unsee it.

Yes, I’ve actually gone so far as to create a whole business out of this –– that’s the level of fascination we’re talking about with this dynamic.

And I know once I show it to you, you won’t be able to let it go either. It’ll completely change the way you see the world, it will definitely change the way you do business, and, if you’re anything like me, you’ll be deeply amused.

I know you want results in your business. 

I know you want clarity about what to do.

I know you want the full-body satisfaction that comes with finally reaching those goals that have been just sitting there taking up space on your business plan for years now.

And oh… I want to give it to you.

It’s not because I want to deny you. (Though let’s be honest, that can be incredibly enjoyable for everyone involved.)

But it’s because like any good Dom, I have a duty of care to make sure you can safely and effectively enter the world of Evil Coach.

And to be able to do that, you have to understand a few things before you’re able to make this decision to rewire your world, and your understanding of how you and your business operate in it.

No fault of your own. You’ve been misled by Facebook ads and nonsensical “courses” that claim to teach business strategy while barely even managing to teach a tactic. 

But if we start talking about Evil Coach now, with your current understanding of strategy, you’ll fall right into the same mistakes that have kept you from getting the results you want in your business so far.

But I’m here to set you right — and by the time we’re finished here, you’ll be ready to let Evil Coach take you places you’ve never even dreamed you’d go.

Here’s the first thing you absolutely must understand:

(And that’s not a sentence I was expecting to write when I was first learning economics…)

Do you want to know the fastest way to tell that someone’s new to the BDSM scene? They start a conversation with “What are you into?”

Anyone who’s been in the world any length of time knows that the specific toys, kinks, and acts you’re into are, ultimately, virtually irrelevant. (Seriously. More on this in a bit.)

You see newbies make this mistake all the time though — they think BDSM is whips and leather and ball gags and butt plugs.

But thinking like this is like thinking that business strategy is “do a webinar” or “send marketing emails”. Which people also do more often than they should, courtesy of flat-pack business “strategy” systems sold indiscriminately all over the internet.

Webinars and marketing emails may be part of a strategy… but it’s the result that matters. There’s more than one way to skin a cat (o-nine-tails)… but you have to know where you’re trying to get. 

Which is what true business strategy is about, in the tiniest of nutshells:

Get clear on the results you want, and the planning becomes simple. 

And when done right … it feels easy. Good strategy takes the grind out of business, it makes it feel light, almost effortless, to move in the right direction. 

Sub space is a physical, emotional, and mental state a submissive person –– called subs in the kink world –– can get into where everything becomes completely present, clear, and simple. 

It’s much like that timeless, flow-state feeling you get by going to the spa. Your mind slows, and your body relaxes. Nothing on the outside matters, because on the inside, all is calm, peaceful, and happy.

All your frustrations, anxieties, fears, or just general day-to-day nonsense falls away, and your entire experience of existence narrows to that moment, that scene, that space your Dominant (your Dom) is holding for you.

And the benefits keep going long after the scene has ended. You feel refreshed, like you’ve been on holiday. Your mind is clear, your skin is fabulous, and people instinctively smile at you, even though no one can quite articulate why, or what’s different about you.

And that’s the beauty of subspace. On the outside, nothing much has changed. But on the inside, you’re a completely different person.

(Much like … you’ll start to see the connection, I’m sure … a really great business strategy session. You’re ostensibly the same person walking out as you were walking in. But you know that everything’s actually shifted for you. Your fears and worries and lack of clarity have been seen, regarded, and attended to. And you now have the total calm and clarity that comes with knowing exactly what you’re going to do, when you’re going to do it, and how it’s going to work.)

And I can promise you it’s not the whips and chains that get you there. They can play a part, of course. 

But it’s the psychology that gets you there. 

The surprise and delight of taking an everyday object and using it for BDSM is one of the best things about it. Once you realize it’s not about the tactics — aka what you use — but the strategy — aka how you use it — then your whole world changes. Trips to the hardware store take on a whole new meaning, every length of cord in your house becomes a potential tool in your kit.

Similarly, if you can break out of the cookie-cutter business strategy mindset, then suddenly, you have a whole world’s worth of tools at your disposal. You no longer have to work your way down the entrepreneur checklist, or worry about keeping up with hacks, trends, and all that other nonsense.

You’re no longer limited.

You can reach your business goals using anything you can think of, just like I can reach the same goal of subspace using that phone charger cord, a potted plant, a roll of tape…

From the outside, that might look uncomfortable. And it very well might be.

The cheese grater isn’t for everyone — but for those it IS for, it gets them amazing results.

And as you start to understand this, everything changes.

Because here’s the thing: a really good Dom/strategist takes you to your edges, because that’s where the good stuff is — in both business and BDSM.

But it can only happen when you have a foundation of trust.

BDSM is built on a foundation of trust. Whatever’s happening, from the lightest touch of a feather to the terror of that cheese grater and everything in between, it’s been planned out and discussed in meticulous detail in advance.

In fact, it’s this very level of trust, open-ness, and pre-planning that puts some people off BDSM when they first start, because “that sounds like a lot of work.” It is. And for good reason, people’s physical, emotional, and psychological safety are on the table. There’s no space for laziness.

This same phenomenon is exactly the same reason you see people back away from good coaches and go back to the same old cookie-cutter systems and courses and funnels. Not everybody wants to be pushed to their edges, in fact, many people aren’t willing to do what it takes to actually build and run a business.

But for those who are curious about their growth edges, those who are willing to put in the work on the right things (instead of just throwing a load of spaghetti at the wall and hoping some of it just happens to work out) … they know you need to take the time, put the work in, and create a strategy.

Have deep and lasting clarity around what you want…

Know exactly what you need to do to reach that goal…

And then relax into the process of getting there, because your goal shifts from a possibility to an inevitability.

And, it saves you from a phenomenon you’ve almost certainly seen … if not fallen prey to yourself.

Let’s talk about sub frenzy.

It’s one of the cringiest things you’ll ever see in the BDSM world.

No one enjoys it.

It causes the person experiencing the sub frenzy to do the kind of things they later blush at the thought of. (If they’re fortunate enough to get someone to train them out of it.)

But if you understand it, you can quickly and easily avoid it … and start moving into the fascinating and delightful world of power exchange.

(AKA the paradigm shift that will change literally every interaction you have with anyone from now on.)

Shall we?