What BDSM Taught Me About Business

It feels a bit like when you ask someone where they want to eat dinner and they come back with “I don’t know, where do YOU want to go” and then the two of you get stuck in the world’s most boring and cyclical conversation.

A good scene has a specific outcome, a clear plan for getting there, and the partnership of dom and sub working together to make it happen.

When it’s good, it’s incredibly good.

But this sort of thing doesn’t just happen out of nowhere. It’s the result of careful planning and a trusting partnership between everyone involved.

As you’re noticing by now, the very same thing applies in business. There’s a reason people call it “spinning your wheels”. Without a well-crafted plan, your business will just go round in circles. Any progress you do make will be hard-won, and short-lived.

A good Dom/sub relationship can look like many things — but remember, whatever’s going on externally does not indicate the care that’s going on the inside of the relationship.

Similarly, a coaching relationship can look very different from person to person — a good coach, like a good Dom, can meet their coachee where they are, gauge whether they need to hold off or to push, and act in the moment to give their sub what they need.

Again, this doesn’t happen out of thin air.

It requires that foundation of trust we’ve been talking about since page one, which has to be built by both people.

We’ve spoken briefly about this before — this is the conversation where the Dom and sub sit down and talk through what they want to happen in their play together. It is also why anyone in the BDSM world knows that “What are you into?” is a fairly useless question. What really matters is “What do you want?” 

Because if you don’t know what the other person wants, how can you know if you’re going to work well together?

And of course you can’t know what the other person wants if you don’t ask. So, you and your partner sit down and talk in explicit and honest detail about what you want to happen in the scene.

If you have a particular way you like to be touched — or if you don’t want any touch at all — you explain that.

You also go through a detailed list of your limits, as well as your end goals.

If your wants, needs, and limits line up with the other person’s, happy days! You then decide when and how you want to proceed with your scene.

If they don’t, no harm done, you part ways and wish each other the best of luck.

It’s a level of honesty, vulnerability, and responsibility for your needs and wants that feels so very strange the first few times around. But once you’ve done it this way a time or two, you can’t imagine going back to just guessing what someone else wants and hoping you get it right.

I guarantee you didn’t think of two people sitting down in their after-work clothes having a responsible, serious chat about their deepest psychological needs when we first started this whole discussion about BDSM.

You likely thought whips, chains, hot wax, and all that sort of nonsense.

Because that’s what you’ve been led to believe. No fault of your own. The outsider’s view of the BDSM world has been sensationalized, because that makes for more titillating television.

But now you can see that’s not what it’s about at all. It’s all about clear communication. Moving together towards a common goal. And making sure everyone is good with the plan every step of the way.

It’s not about someone coming in and beating and berating the other person into kissing their feet or calling them Mistress.

There’s no dynamic of the Dom telling the sub what they want, and then the sub coweringly obeying out of fear. That’s completely antithetical to what BDSM is all about.

It might look like that from the outside, sure. But every thud of the paddle, every nickname and tone of voice and command, every move each person makes has been discussed, agreed to, and enthusiastically consented to in advance. 

They’re able to experience that kind of freedom INSIDE the scene only because they’ve undertaken such an intensive degree of responsibility OUTSIDE of the scene.

You already know the answer. 

We’ve been working our way towards it for a couple of pages now — it’s having a clear plan informed by an honest and proactive clarity around your wants and needs, acted on together with someone you trust who can get you where you want to go.

And that’s the part you don’t know about yet.

The plan is part 1 — and you might, just might, be able to figure a baseline of that out on your own. But if you want to get somewhere new, you can’t just rely on yourself and your own thinking.

Not because it’s not good. But because as a human you’re inherently limited by your own experience. Your own biases and blindspots will keep you running in circles forever if you let them.

To get to delicious part 2 — and there is always, always a part 2, in BDSM and in business — you need someone else.

This is the good bit. Because…

You can go about your day with the knowledge you’ve now gained, see the world in a whole new way, and maybe one day kinda-sorta create a plan on your own that may or may not do what you want it to do.

Or, you can set aside any of the fear and indecision that’s kept you small so far –

and lube-up and jump right in!

If you decide on the latter, then I have the very thing for you – step right this way. 

After all, Evil Coach is always happy to reward enthusiasm.

You’ll get 1 intensive week of group play with Evil Coach, during which you and your cohort will deep-dive into creating a business strategy the likes of which you’ve never seen before.

It will be high-touch. 

It will stretch you in all new ways. And you will love it. After all, group play is always more fun.

You’ll walk out the other side seeing the world in a whole new way. You’ll feel completely re-energized and sated, with a crystal-clear understanding of the resources you have at your command and a solid plan to take your own army of eager followers wherever you want to go.

Now, you could continue to fumble about on your own, and get average results. But we all know it’s much better to put yourself in the hands of a pro. They’ll not only get you there faster, but the results will be bigger and more satisfying.

Let’s find out.

Give us your email and and Evil Coach will give you all the juicy details about the Evil Plan.

Including a ridiculously big break on the price (even the discounts are amusing in Evil Coach’s world).